My mom recently turned 74 and has been retired for about 4 years now. To fill her time she buys way too much crap off of the internet (Zulily, HSN and QVC) and is trying so hard to be the next Publishers Clearing House multi-millionaire. Recently she had me mail the 9 letters to Publishers Clearing House for her and explained that she wouldn’t be doing it if she “weren’t so close to the winning numbers” whatever that means. I supposed she thinks that after she’s gone through several rounds of sending in mailers that she somehow is part of a smaller, more select group and her chances to win are greater. Pfft. In the meantime she’s bought magazines, a ceramic dove and God knows what else. It reminds me of the scene near the end of the movie Nebraska where Woody Grant (played by Bruce Dern) goes to the home office of the fictitious sweepstakes company in Lincoln, Nebraska to collect his money and as proof he’s the winner brings the letter telling him that “he’s won a million dollars… if his numbers match”.  Of course he didn’t read that last part. He does get a free baseball cap and in the iconic scene where his son and he are driving away Woody is slumped in his car seat with the hat pulled down over his eyes with the words “PRIZE WINNER” emblazoned across the front of the hat. It’s simultaneously hilarious and sad.

I love my mom and I really hope she isn’t the next Woody Grant.